Posted first on the ERE (early retirement extreme) forum.
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I was unemployed for a year and two months. Fuck that shit. It has been 21 years since I started working, and I only now realize that I need to have my next job lined up before I leave a job. Staying within the narrow and undesirable field of education allowed me to go in and out, as well be complacent with -- hell, unaware of -- my lack of interview skills.
Currently, I sub for one or two days a week and am putting the money earned back into my appearance. For example, this is the first time I've had two professional hair cuts in a row since I was a child. (Since childhood, I think it's been two: one was right before my wedding, and another was a time I had an interview to part of the library system, the failure of which broke my heart -- shit, rereading that is brutal; I also didn't realize how much I already knew about the problem at that point). There is also a balancing act going on in my mind between how much to put into one good interview outfit versus improving my about-town game. Also, I could put thousands, even tens of thousands into my outfits right now, but 1) I somewhat enjoy the gamified aspect of using just this earned money and 2) I need more experience before my decisions would be any good ...
I have the extra problem of needing to not overdress for what I am going for. I am not swinging for the fences here, but trying to get a single on the board so I don't have to return to teaching: IT help desk, technician (mostly inventory manager) for a school, Geek Squad, Costco. And it's that rock and hard place of needing to dress but not overdress that puts me at my stupid, neurodivergent limit when I think about it too long. If the goal was to look as good as fucking possible, I actually kinda know what I would do [1]. But normie shit has to be so hard, and so exacting.
Eye contact. Have never made that with someone I wasn't trying to sleep with, and even then, not that much. I think that was what cost me another job I interviewed for a few months ago. This was with a affluent school district with small enrollment at the other edge of the metroplex. The drive would have sucked, and the pay was a joke (though more than my expenses, and more than I earn with my subbing), but I would have loved the work, as they do as much hands-on repair as they can with Chromebooks and the job has prospects to grow with the ability to in-source more and more tech services -- failing that, it would have been my year or two of IT experience that would allow certifications I earn to actually count.
The head principal was a positivity peddler [2], and he seemed amazed by my combination of education experience and recent certifications. I'd also worked on the script for interview questions pretty hard, so I do think I nailed my Zoom interview. But they had me "come in," which I had hopes would have been to sign papers, but instead it was this fucked up walk around shit that could not have been designed better to expose that I am on the spectrum. I am really good with my tone of voice, at least when I am "on," and so I was still saying a lot of the right things, and even said had moments where they were laughing at wit, but yeah, I am sure at least the assistant principal thought I was shady and shifty. There is a certain type of person who shows up late to things but thinks they are "type A" that I absolutely cannot vibe with... or at least, they cannot vibe with me. They make everyone else to clean up their messes, linguistically, work flow, etc, yet think they are the hard-nosed force everything the world together. Anyway, I think he thought he "got me" in the end with his question about my willingness to commute -- which I was, and was willing to use that time to do audio content, but my eye contact didn't say it, now did it? ... Eh, I was probably leaking other stuff at lots of other moments, too. I wasn't ready to get through that hiring process.
My wife has us pretty involved in a church. We have been there now long enough that the dues paying is over, and people like to see us. This will give me a chance to practice eye contact stuff. I'm not sure that subbing actually will work for this, however, as the kids expect distance now (could not care if I live or die... It was not always like this).
Speaking of my wife, she has actually liked and benefited from my run of not working. I have been able to watch our kid when she is sick, and just in general take care of stuff. So, one thing I am doing is stretching this gap in my work history for the next two months. During that time, I should have quite a bit to work on with appearance and trying to practice human social behavior. May 2nd, another wave of applications go out. Can't sub during the summer any way. If any job sucks bad enough, or if I fail to get a job, I will sub again one more school year, wear out my cash reserves, but then become a teacher again before I dip into selling stock.
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[1] I am amused by the idea of a speed run to high fashion. I mean, I don't have any outfit right this second that I think would be good enough for me to feel comfortable walking into a Dillard's. So, like, what Kohl's to get an outfit, to get into a Dillard's, to then have an outfit where I feel comfortable seeing a tailor. Again, amusing speed run. But it is going to be more a slow and steady deal.
[2] Just for venting's sake, when he called me and told me I didn't have the job, he was crestfallen when I just flatly said "that's that, I guess... have a good rest of your year, and a good day." He honestly thought some more ass kissing was coming, and hell, if I lived closer by or if I hadn't been busy at that moment and pre-drained by watching my daughter, I probably would have. Well, he can enjoy the fruits of his positivity during other moments of his life. I would have liked to have worked with him.
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Two chatGPT conversations today. First, over the basics of eye contact:
https://chatgpt.com/share/67d091f1-32e4-8005-b69d-cc797203abd2
Second, a reaction to the piece, but with it not knowing I wrote it, so there is more criticism of the plan:
https://chatgpt.com/share/67d09149-ffa0-8005-a7a3-28352b9757fb
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